I should stop smiling

So, in keeping with my current carpe-diem philosophical leanings, I may actually have a real date this week. Shocking, I know. The Korean girl accepted my facebook date query, so yes, I am getting there. We studied together with her roommates today, and I really enjoyed that. The fact that her roommates are two lesbian girls really interests me. Not in the way you think though.

I’ve never really seen a gay relationship of any sort, and it makes me happy to see one, especially one that is thriving. That statement really makes me seem rather conservative, but I am far from it. I have gay friends but I’ve never seen any of them in a relationship. I naively wonder what it is like to have two gay roommates who are in a relationship. Doesn’t everyone think about what it would be like to have a completely different living situation? Maybe it’s just me.
I really like her roommates. They’re easy going and nice, but they talk too much for me to be able to focus. I’m thinking about asking her if I can cook dinner for all of them this week. It’s time to bring back the famous Russian salad everyone loves.
I seriously think that if I can be happy with someone for a month and a half, it doesn’t matter that I’m leaving, because this will be better than regretting inaction. I’m doing what I’ve always dreamt of, which is taking action and doing what I really want to do, and it feels good. I was walking around today and caught myself smiling, which rarely happens.
Let me clarify: I am not interested in making these people a statistic. I hate having to justify my statements, but I’ve been in trouble before because I say things without clarifying, and I want to avoid that.
Russian nationalism is on the rise, anti-Western sentiment is also rising.
This is dangerous territory.

It is the way it is

The last month has been incredibly difficult.

On the 15th of February, I broke up with the girl I had been dating for a year.  Over the phone.  She is in England for a study-abroad semester.  Two weeks after I broke up with her, she told me she had slept with someone else on the 14th.  I became unreasonably upset, shaved my head, and was in a bad state for several days.  I had no reason to be upset:  I had wanted to date other people, our relationship wasn’t really a relationship because I had never fully committed, even though we had been dating exclusively for a long long time.  We had cheated on each other.  I had loved her.  She had loved me.  I wanted to break up with her but couldn’t.  Doesn’t this sound like the typical tripe everyone writes about?  I’m not an angsty teenager any longer.
At the moment, she is with that someone in Ireland.  I recently came to the conclusion that I want her back.  But I am leaving in two months, going back to LA, then moving to Virginia in August.  My parents decided that it was within their power to let me attend Hollins.  I am sure that no other school will offer me better funding, and as it stands, Hollins is my top choice, especially so with funding.
On the 23rd of February my Rutgers-Camden admissions email came.  I felt better about the whole cheating scenario, but then I began to doubt my ability as a writer.  Camden is in its second year as a program, would they accept me just because they wanted diversity and I am Russian?
On the 28th of February my Emerson admissions email came.  I felt better.
On the 9th of March my Iowa NWP rejection letter came.  I was expecting it.
On the 10th of March my Hollins admissions email came, with funding.  
On the 14th of March my Rutgers-Newark admissions letter came.  I think it is a mistake, because their program assistant told me they hadn’t made decisions yet, but who am I to doubt a letter?
I ran out of money for food, I have maxed out both of my credit cards (2k and 3k), I haven’t been able to get a job.  I am wary of calling my parents to tell them I need money for tuition and rent.
I emailed a craigslist advert poster about auditioning for porn.  Luckily, I didn’t get a reply.  I guess that means I’m not good looking enough for porn, a saving grace for my self-esteem.