Just once

I’d like to look my age. Just once. I’m sure looking like I’m an 18 year old will benefit me in the long run, but at the moment, it’s not so wonderful.

You ever have moments when you don’t know why someone is looking at you? I have those moments all the time. It’s as if the person is mocking me and I wish he or she would just stop. Sure, I lost a lot of weight so I look a bit younger, but stop it. Or at least say something, tell me what’s going on in your mind that you need to keep staring.

Yeah, I get nervous when people look at me. I’m just not certain what it is they’re looking at. Could be my big nose, my not quite blonde longish hair, my really thin forearms and wrists, the liver spots appearing on the backs of my hands. I used to worry about those, thinking they were cancer, but in the end, I figure they’re just signs that my immune system took a beating when I didn’t eat anything for a couple of months.

I feel very strange about not seeing any women my age around this town. They’re all either in their early early twenties and late teens, or else in their thirties. I haven’t felt a legitimate connection with any of these people. I wonder where all the people my age are. I can’t relate to all the apathy and superfluous attitude established here.