Dreams of the writing life

I had this post open in front of me for several hours before I started to write. What I need to say isn’t easy for me to accept: there’s a very high chance that I am not going into the MFA program at Hollins this year. By very high chance I mean that I’m very close to sending the director an email to say I’m dropping out.

I don’t know what I was thinking last year when I decided to apply to eleven MFA programs. It seemed like a good idea at the time. What else would I do after graduation? Surely I wouldn’t be back in southern california. Surely I wouldn’t be five thousand dollars in debt with no way to get a job. Surely my parents wouldn’t be struggling to pay rent.

I just found out that my father hasn’t been paid for working for two weeks in Russia. Maybe that’s not true. Maybe it’s some miscommunication. Maybe my family isn’t sixty thousand dollars in debt.

I don’t need an MFA to write though. Certainly, I can write without a degree, and I will. I suppose it’s good enough that I got in to some good programs. It does mean I’m competitive and it gives me hope that I’ll continue writing. I desperately wanted to prove certain people wrong this year, and now all of that will be for nothing.

It’s unfortunate that going to Hollins probably won’t happen because I’ve met many great people through this process, and was hoping to meet many more great people at Hollins.

I guess I can hang out for a year, hope that the DREAM Act passes this year, and then apply again. If the DREAM Act doesn’t pass, and if I can’t get any more money this year, then I’ll probably move back to Russia or something. It seems like a stupid idea, but at least I’ll be able to live my life there.

I’m really upset right now, mostly because I thought I could overcome all these problems, but I guess I can’t do it on willpower alone. It’s ok, most of you have no idea how hard I’ve worked for all this.

Unsurprisingly, the director of the program is unable (or more likely, unwilling) to help. I don’t understand why people go to this program if what they get in emails are terse replies which show no intention of establishing even the least bit of rapport with the student.

One thought on “Dreams of the writing life

  1. Oh man, that completely sucks. You're right, though: you don't need an MFA to write, though I'm sure you would prefer to have a couple of years to write, intensively, and that's something you should keep working toward.

    Stick around a year and write write write. With a different writing sample (or maybe even just a couple of years between applications), you might get into some really good, fully-funded programs.

    Though I'm not religious, I am a big believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. If it doesn't work out for you to go to Hollins next year, there's probably a very good reason for it. Chances are, there will be a better opportunity up ahead, so don't give up hope.

    Still, I know all of that is very little consolation. I am so sorry 🙁

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